Today I left Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) discouraged. BSF is from 9-11. It is during Eliana’s morning nap time. Normally I can make it through discussion time and part of the lecture before I’m called to the nursery to help Eliana relax. Today I only made it through half of the discussion time. Eliana doesn’t sleep well in public anymore. She doesn’t tend to sooth for anyone other than me most of the time. Three weeks ago, I was able to rock her in the foyer and get her to sleep. This worked well since I the lecture is put on the speakers in the hallway. Last week she stayed up and wouldn’t sleep. This week I almost got her to sleep, but it during the transition from the discussion groups to the lecture part. Eliana is a curious little one. She wanted to see where all of the ladies were going. Several of them stopped to talk to her and say sweet things like, “She is precious.”, “Oh, what a joy you have there.”, “Look at those big brown eyes.”, “Look, she smiled at me.” I was trying to take those words of encouragement, but inside I was wishing she was in the nursery and I was heading to hear the lecture without the distraction of my wee 7 1/2 month old. I realized that I wasn’t really getting to hear the lecture with Eliana fussing here and there and wanting to explore. So, I decided we needed to leave early. Sigh. While back in the nursery, one of the helpers was singing, “Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not fear, for I am with you. Isaiah 41:10”
After a tearful and loud ride home, I fed Eliana and she is now sleeping in her crib! Yes, I did say crib! I don’t know if it will be a long nap or not, but at least it is a continued effort to get her to sleep there rather than in her swing. I went in search for food for lunch. I was discouraged enough to consider skipping lunch and taking a nap. Eliana didn’t sleep great last night, and I’m a bit wiped out from the night wakings. I then realized that napping first would create a bigger problem later if I didn’t have a good milk supply for Eliana. I considered calling a friend or family matter to relay my day, but the helper’s song came back to mind. I didn’t need encouragement
from a friend or relative. I needed help from the Lord. I got out my journal and wrote all of Isaiah 41:10.
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. NKJ version
Isaiah wrote this after he has told the Israelites that they will be captured by the Babylonians for decades. God had warned the people to come back to Him, and they had ignored Him. Now they were going to face devastating consequences. But, God would not leave them during their captivity. He would be with them and bring them back to Israel.
I meditated on God’s word and prayed for Him to be with my discouraged heart. I lifted up family members who are going through a hard time. I thanked God for Kyle. When I was done, my level of distress was lifted.
Eliana woke up while I was typing. On to the next challenge/opportunity for growth I go.